Please, Forgive Yourself!
What ever has occurred to this point can not be undone. Only acknowledging your part, making the adjustments and be that better person today.
Measurement to a past that is no longer tangible does not equate to a tangible reality of who you are today and who you will become tomorrow.
Every day is about being the better version of yourself to become that highest version of you. To do that; one must cut away in the heart all that is of the past. It only serves to weigh you down.